Nightmares...

Why?

Lately, I've been having a recurring nightmare and it's pretty scary for me...

I recently began having this nightmare a few days back, this is what happens in it...

I somehow find myself swimming in close to total darkness. Now this is open waters, and I am DEATHLY AFRAID OF DEEP AND OPEN WATERS. Wanna know why? Because I always stare into the murky distance and imagine tentacles or a maw or some other form of sea creature to suddenly come outta nowhere and eat me or something. So that is exactly what happens. Sometimes, I see a massive squid, just speeding out of the abyss and wrapping me in it's tentacles and preparing to devour me. Other times, I see the Cthulhu, as massive as my school and I spend the whole dream hiding. Sometimes I see sea serpents, no less scary I assure you. Sometimes, I see the Kraken, which is about a million times worse for me. And sometimes... I sometimes see other hideous, horrific mosnters coming out from the deep below me our out of the deep somewhere. Sometimes they just grab me from behind. The worst part: I cant control the dream.

Yeah, I dreamt of that. To scale.
I would have been human sized.
The ship would be as big as it would be in real life.
That's how big it was.

I mastered the art of lucid dreaming a long time ago. I turned my nightmares into my personal playground. Normally it works. I could summon any sword I wanted, a lightsaber, a gun. I had magical powers like a God. My personal favourite is my White Lantern Ring. That was always a beacon in the dark for me.

But even my White Power Ring failed me. I remember summoning it when I faced the Kraken. It appeared, it lit up and suddenly-

The light died. My ring lost it's charge. That's never happened before. I couldnt summon any weapons, any attempt at conjuring fire or lightning or anything failed. I was helpless and then true terror really struck.

I had dreams like this before. I was once stuck in some place that looked like Hell. Or rather, it was like Oblivion, like in the Elder Scrolls IV. I was chained at the top of the Sigil Tower, where a Dremora Kynval tortured and branded me. I could not break free from my restraints, my powers didnt work, summoning did nothing and my ring failed on me again. And the pain I felt was so real. Fire, electricity, all that. Yet I didnt wake up. I woke up and I could feel my heart aching and hurting so badly, because in the dream he tried to wrench my heart out with his bare hand.

Dremora Kynval in Daedric Armor, the male (right)
tortured me in my dream

I dont know why this is happening. My weapons grow weaker, I grow weaker, my powers are dying and my ring keeps dying on me. I even tried a Red Lantern Ring, but it didnt work.


What is happening to me? Why are my dreams torturing me so? And why cant I stop it anymore?

Why have you failed me all of a sudden?

Going out in a blaze of glory

If you read my stories, you know my writing style. I know most, if not all of you, have yet to see the endings I have planned for my stories. Now this might spoil it for most of you, so if you don't want the endings spoiled for you, do not read the next portion of my post. Move on or scroll really fast till you see a line of **** stars.

Still here? Alright, here it is for those that either don't mind seeing the spoiler or are just too curious for your own good. In most of my stories, the heroes end up dying. Usually making the ultimate sacrifice. I like the idea of immortalizing them in their finest moment, where they truly become heroes. Giving their lives so that others may live. It happens in all of them. Or at least most of them. I've always been in love with this idea. The hero sacrificing himself. Almost obsessed with the idea. I always end stories like that. I don't know why.

**************************************

Alright, the spoiler is over. Now the idea of my mortality has been an increasingly thought about topic for me. I've been thinking about things like "What would happen if I died? Or maybe disappeared? Or if I ended up in the hospital maybe?" and what my friends reactions would be. Who would care, who would come to my funeral or grieve and mourn me, who would be out looking for me or worrying for me, or who would come visit me and stuff. Who would be affected by it and how deeply. So then the idea of how I might die has crossed my mind. And I wondered:

What if someday, I went out in such a way. In a blaze of glory? My final act would be forever burned into history and the last memories of me would be written as those of a hero. I'd go out giving my life for the ones I loved, for them to go on. What a way to go, right? Just imagine that. But then again, what will I die for? There's no war, no invasions, no call for a hero. No need for it. But the notion still strikes me as a way I'd love to go out with. A bang. One final effort. One last hurrah that would be remembered forever. What a way to die.

How I hope I might go out like that someday. Make my mark on history, however tiny it is. Maybe then people will remember me. Who I was. I've been pretty unremarkable and unmemorable all my life, it would be nice to have someone go "Oh that's him, I remember him..."

On my gravestone, I'd have this written.
"His life was small and insignificant. But his dreams touched the edges of the universe and heaven above. And they just kept going."