Some thanks for a great year, with a better one ahead.

Well it's new years, everyone. So to any of my dear readers reading this on New Years, Happy New Year!

I'll admit, 2012 has been a year of big change for me. I grew a lot this year. A lot has changed in my life. I drifted from some friends, some friends left me completely, but I did grow closer to a lot of people and made a lot of new friends. I even reconnected with some old friends.

Most of you may know, it's been a rough year for me. I went and am still going through a lot. I've been through some very, very dark times and more are yet to come I think. But I'm thankful for all the friend's I've made that have been there for me, the guardian angels I've been blessed with in real life.

I'm so thankful for the Drama people. If any of you guys read this, I love you guys. I joined drama more or less by accident, but it was an accident I'd repeat again and again if I needed to. You guys are the people I look forward to seeing every week and the people I feel most at home with. I can't imagine school without you guys and I'm so thankful I came to help you guys with your scripts that one fine day.

I'm thankful for some of the people I've met and connected with on Twitter. I've made great friends over Twitter. I've never even met these people but I wish so badly I knew them in real life. Lobna, Noufey, Choi and Saf, I don't know if you read my blog or not but I really am thankful I got to know you and really wish I knew you in real life. Who knows, maybe someday I'll meet you in real life or something, but right now I'm just thankful I met you.

My bros. I know you guys don't read my blog, but all the same, thank you. Through thick and thin, I know I have you guys to watch my back. I know I've been so busy lately that I rarely get to see you all, but I want you guys to know that every time I say I can't meet you guys, I'm left sitting there wishing I could be with you all. I'd take a bullet for each of my bros and if the time ever called for it, I'd back you guys up right up to the end. To the Gates of Hell and back again.

To my dear friend that I've had a rough year with. We've had a lot of ups and downs, but on the whole, I'm so glad you were picked as my partner for that workshop. I know we've really drifted apart and at times you're cold to me as I am quite often a total prick to you. But I don't want that, I want to be close like before and hopefully you want that too. I genuinely am thankful I met you this year and can't imagine going back to the way life was before meeting you. You are still really important to me, and I hope you know I do still care. I'll be there for you, whether you want me to or not :)

To my best friend and neighbour. I have so many things to thank you for. Thank you for buying ice cream and hanging out with me at midnight when I was down and sad, thank you for keeping me company when I was all alone in school and had no one to hang out with. Thank you for teaching me so much about girls and how to deal with them and just being the best friend I could never have in secondary school coming from an all boy's school. I don't say this nearly enough, but you mean a lot to me and I'm so glad you're my best friend. Who would have thought that that fateful day where you were down because you had a falling out with your friends and somehow by chance met me on the bus would lead to such a great friendship? Regardless, I'm glad we're friends. So, so glad. I hope someday when I have kids-- IF I have kids, that you can be their godmother. I can't imagine someone I'd trust more as their awesome godmother. Try not to spoil my unborn kid(s) rotten please?

I have so many people I want to thank, I don't want to mention names here though. But if you have done something for me, you've listened to me at some point, you've befriended me or just asked what was wrong, even just once, I thank you. I am grateful to have you in my life, and I hope at some point in time, I get to express my gratitude in some way. Maybe it is returning the favour, maybe it's in some other form.

And ofcourse, I thank you, dear reader. I know few, if any people, read this blog. But if you do and actually enjoy listening to this grizzled old storyteller that sometimes sounds much older beyond his years gripe on in personal post after personal post and actually put up with it enough to enjoy my stories, then that is enough motivation for this old tale-spinner to carry on doing what he does best: Telling stories. It would be great if someone were to leave a comment or two, it does make a difference to know someone reads this blog and what they actually thought of the stories. Because as long as someone enjoys what I write, I will keep writing for you all.

And to the one loyal reader I have that I actually know of that reads this blog rather regularly, the Girl That Doesn't Belong, thank you too. I mention you specifically because you've been around literally since the beginning and have made me feel that this blog is reaching at least someone in this world. It may be a small thing to just post a comment on a story, but it is a big deal to me knowing I'm not talking to a wall.

I think it's about time I get to bed now, I've a lot to do soon. School is starting and that means deadlines and projects. I'm in for a busy year. Once again, thank you to you all for making my 2012 a great and memorable one, all things accounted for. Here's to a brighter future, and a better tomorrow. Have a great 2013, dear reader :)

Lanterns everywhere.

In brightest day,
In blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight,
Let those who worship evil's might,
Beware my power, Green Lantern's light!

Those words sound familiar to you? That's the Green Lantern creed. Every Green Lantern recites it when they recharge their power rings daily. I memorized several Lantern creeds cuz, as I've said several time before, I'm a major Lantern fan.

But ever since I got into the whole Lantern thing, I began seeing things in the seven colours of the rainbow. I'm not seeing things or going crazy, hell no. At least I hope not. No I've started placing people into different Lantern Corps subconsciously. Where would they belong if the War Of Light came to Earth and everyone was forced into a Corps?

Red - The colour of anger, hate and rage. This corps is filled with people just boiling with hate. I've always seen myself in this corps because I... well I wouldn't call myself an angry person, but I'm no stranger to it. I am angry at a lot of things. A lot of it to do with myself. Yes, I'm very often upset with myself.

Orange - Greed. This corps is filled with the greediest and most selfish bastards on the face of the planet. They think about themselves and only themselves. Money, power, women, all to serve their personal needs and theirs alone.

Yellow - Fear. This corps is comprised of the manipulative and fear-inspiring bullies. They are dominating, aggressive and generally unpleasant to be around.

Green - The colour of willpower. These individuals are the people I've seen with a strong sense of will. They are not easily swayed. They are capable, independent and they NEVER give up.

Blue - Hope. These individuals are the kind that have faith in anything, whether it's faith in God, or faith in friends, they have a very strong sense of belief. They are positive, quite often these are the happy and cheerful people in my life.

Indigo - Compassion. These are the caring people around me. They are selfless, helpful, charitable and just want the best for the people around them. Some of these people are by no means the sweet and kind types either, I've met the most grittiest and toughest people that belong here. Why? Because sometimes it's for the other party's own good. They care, just in a tougher way.

Violet - Love. Yes, this is pretty self explanatory. Whether it be madly in love with a significant other, or with someone they simply can't let go of in a form of unrequited love like Carol Ferris had for Hal Jordan, these people belong here.

Nowadays, I often see people as if they belonged in a Lantern Corps. I personally categorized people into different corps according to what I know about them. But I'm always curious to know what they think they are in, like which Corps they belong to and why.

I know I'm just rambling again, so I'll stop now. But before I leave, I'd like to know what Corps YOU are in. So comment on which corps you belong in and why!

What if I died...

If I wasn't here tomorrow 
Would anybody care
If my time was up I'd wanna know
You were happy I was there
If I wasn't here tomorrow 
Would anyone lose sleep
If I wasn't hard and hollow
Then maybe you would miss me

I know I'm a mess and I wanna be someone
Someone that I like better
I can never forget 
So don't remind me of it forever (forever)

This song spoke to me in ways I can't even explain.

I had the most bizarre but the most eye opening dream last night.

I always talk about how I think about how it would be if I died. Who would miss me, who would mourn, who would worry, all that. Last night's dream seemed to give me a good idea.

In the dream, I apparently disappear without a trace. I somehow figured that, cuz my family was freaking out and calling anyone and everyone they could. I stood in the middle of my living room as if I was a ghost, watching my family fall apart. I felt my phone vibrating in my hand, I looked down and saw the multitudes of calls. Not all were from my family. Tweets and texts saying things like:

"Where are you?"

"Come back, this isn't funny."

"Please be ok."

"I'm gonna kill you if you don't make it back in one piece."

"Please don't do anything stupid, just come back."

"We miss you."

"What happened to you? Please come back, we're all worried."

If you know me in real life, I'm sure you'll know who is who. Or at least you'll know if it's you I'm talking about. I omitted names and rephrased it all, naturally. But I remember tearing up. I wanted to respond so bad. That I was ok. That I wasn't dead. I wanted to answer the calls that kept showing up. But my phone refused to let me. I remember walking out of my house and over to my neighbour's place. She's my best friend, and I remember watching her freaking out and worrying as much as my mother and sister and grandmother...

The scene warped to a scene of my friends from secondary school. They were debating over going out to search for me. They were phoning up every Tom, Dick and Harry I'd ever known trying to find out who had last seen me.

The scenes flashed past me in a blur, I saw tear-stricken faces, furrowed brows, I heard voices as each scene played through.

"Where did you go..." a short girl stared out the window, another dear friend of mine. I could not see if she was crying or not.

"Dude, where are you? Let us know. Something. Anything." my childhood friend paced his room thinking.

There are so many that I saw that I can't possibly note all of them down. But what I saw truly touched me. I don't know how these people would actually react if this really happened, but what I saw brought an ache to my heart everytime I saw a dear friend worry.

The dream shifted to show my family, with my mother on the phone with someone. She burst out in tears and soon the rest of my family followed. I think we all know what was the news she received on the phone. My body must have been found or something.

So I watched as my best friend and the same friends I saw worry now begin to cry as they heard the news. I love my best friend like family, so watching her suddenly break into tears, it just broke my heart.

Next, I saw my friends gathered around the same table, each had a whiskey in each hand. They held their hands up in a toast. A toast in my name. I saw an empty seat and a whiskey glass, poured with Coke. Just the way I liked it.

The scenes warped, one by one, to each of my friends reacting to the news. Some broke down crying, some thought it was some kind of sick joke (from the school I come from, it isn't much of a stretch, although I was never one to pull a prank like this), some just... went numb. Staring blankly into space as if unable to process the information. Some, mostly the guys, just looked somber and troubled. Like they had trouble accepting this fact.

I was always convinced that my existence in this world made little to no impact on the people I met. I never figured I'd see someone cry because I was gone. I never thought someone could even miss me that much. But there I saw it all, clear as day. It was in a dream, yeah. But I couldn't help feeling touched and very, very heartbroken watching as my friends and family reacted to the news.

One by one, I stood before each of them to say my last words to them. Telling them that I loved them, both friends and family. The family that was always there for me since I was brought into this world, and the family of friends that for some reason chose to stick with me through all my awkwardness, my weird and embarrassing moments, through my tough moments, through my best and my worst and for some reason still stick around me. I honestly don't know what you guys see in me that was worth being around me for all that, but thank you. Cuz I'm pretty sure I'd have done a lot of stupid things without you guys being there for me. Not the good kind either.

I know it was only a dream and I'm probably just imagining all that. If I actually disappeared or kicked the bucket, their reactions wouldn't be so severe and I doubt too many people would cry over me. But it just made me feel... wanted. Missed. Important to someone. Like I mattered. Like I'm not a ghost just passing through everyone's lives and I'm forgotten the second I leave. I'm not a nobody. I don't like the idea of anyone I care about losing sleep over me, but knowing someone would be as worried if I wasn't there one day as I would be if the roles were reversed, it just made me feel... I just didn't feel invisible. I didn't feel like I was irrelevant and I actually mattered to someone.

If I wasn't here tomorrow 

Would anybody care

If my time was up I'd wanna know

You were happy I was there

If I wasn't here tomorrow 

Would anyone lose sleep

If I wasn't hard and hollow

Then maybe you would miss me

I wonder if I'd be missed in reality...

Dreams...

Recently, I've been having some odd dreams. A few good, one really good. But many were bad. Here's one that was... really weird. Be warned, it is heavily based on the Star Wars universe and I do not explain a lot of things because if I do, I probably will never stop. So, here is a forewarning. If you do not like Star Wars or hearing me groan on about a Star Wars-based dream, just stop reading and dont waste your time. If you truly want to find out what happens still, here is what happened...

I was in the Jedi Enclave on Dantooine. For those of you that don't know, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic is and always will be one of my favourite games. My favourite place in this game was Dantooine. On Dantooine, there was a Jedi Enclave where young Force Adepts came to be trained by the Masters. It was a safe haven for the Jedi, who were being hunted by the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Malak.

Darth Malak

Dantooine was beautiful and if I could pick a place anywhere in the game to make a home, that would be it. It had massive rolling plains, the soundtrack was so peaceful and I loved just running around in the game and doing missions on that planet. The place felt... safe. Yes, I know it's just a game, but I sometimes get really into my games and attached to my characters. I got really attached to mine and particularly to this planet.

Concept art of Dantooine. This is how it looked to me, just a lot more real. Home...

The dream starts, at least as far as I can remember, in the middle of the Enclave, where a small grove stood. A tree grew in the center of the grove. I was in black Jedi Robes, the kind Dark Jedis usually wore, I always preferred things in black. I remember holding a gunmetal-grey cylinder, it was smooth and rather unadorned save for three symbols on the back. I recognised these symbols as my initials in Mandalorian. A small sapphire rested on the flip side of the cylinder. When I pressed it, a rich sapphire blue blade sprang to life. "This must be my lightsaber." I thought to myself eagerly. Come on I've always wanted one, can you blame me?

This is as close to the lightsaber I had as I could find. The saber was gunmetal-grey instead of steel, the black leather grip was where my initials were. The flip side that is obscured was where the sapphire activation button was.

I saw so many Jedi throughout the Enclave, many of them are people I know in real life. I strode through the Enclave, greeting people as I passed and finally reached the doors to the courtyard. As it opened, I felt more at peace than I ever did in real life. The air smelt... sweet. Like it did in Perth when I visited my relatives there on a holiday. The breeze was cool and the sun was high in the sky, must have been around noon. I made my way out of the Enclave compounds and wandered around to see the sights. I visited the Star Map ruins, which pulsed with dark energies. Oh, and I forgot to mention, in the dream I actually felt the Force. What I imagined the Force would feel, I felt it. I could sense people and their intentions, I could feel the alignments of Force energy, it felt like an extension to my senses. I actually woke up feeling rather... deaf. Like one of my senses was suddenly deadened to me. I got so used to it in that short dream, I actually feel rather incomplete without it, even now. But I felt EVERYTHING. And I could actually use it in the dream. I could lift rocks with the Force, I could lift massive boulders with it! I could jump at least fifteen meters into the air, I could throw my lightsaber and it would return to me like a boomerang. Well, better than a boomerang, those never EVER returned to me. But it was an amazing feeling. I visited Juhani's Grove and felt the dark taint still present from Juhani's fall to the dark side. I admit, I finally fully understood why the dark side was so addictive.

The Crystal Cave

There was a place I loved to go to and that was the Crystal Cave. The Crystal Cave was a cave that was filled with hundreds of multicoloured crystals. They came in different shapes and sizes and each had different properties. These crystals were used to focus lightsabers and create different colours, shades and blade properties. I remember picking up an assortment and stowing them away in the folds of my robes before slinking on out.

But what I saw next shattered my perfect world as the cave shook and crumbled, nearly burying me along with it.

In the game, Darth Malak razes Dantooine by destroying the Jedi Enclave from orbit and ransacking the place. He captures Jedi and uses their Force Energy as his own personal Force batteries by keeping them in stasis aboard the Star Forge. They never actually show footage of Dantooine being destroyed, but that is exactly what I saw.

The skies were ablaze as massive torrents of turbolaser fire pelted the Enclave. People were disintegrated or reduced to burning corpses with the skin melted off their faces. The Enclave, my precious safe haven, was incinerated and the turbolasers reduced the structure to nothing but ash and rubble. But it was not enough. I took shelter in the temple where the Star Map was, and soon enough the turbolaser fire ceased. I opened the door and surveyed the destruction inflicted on my home. It was heartbreaking, I couldn't do anything to stop it either. But it got worse. Fighters descended on the Enclave, firing on it and anyone else out in the open. I brought one down by deflecting it's own cannon fire back at it and another by grabbing it with the Force and thrusting it straight into the ground. I was angry. I was beyond angry, I could feel the blood boiling in my veins. I grabbed one starfighter with the Force and crumpled it like a tin can. I even hurled lightning at one of the fighters and probably cooked the pilot in his flightsuit.

Dropships began to descend and unload Sith Troops commanded by Malak's Dark Jedi. I ignited my saber and made sure they regretted destroying my home. Deflecting blaster bolts, duelling Dark Jedi, it was like a daydream come true. I beheaded Sith soldiers by the dozens and crushed them with the Force. I smashed them into walls and fried them in their armour with Force Lightning. I knew I was falling to the dark side after watching my friends, friends I knew in real life, die and my home reduced ruins. But I didn't care. I killed any Sith forces I saw and even had a chance to duel with Dark Jedis. I even duelled two at the same time. I cut one in half and beheaded the other with his pal's lightsaber Dooku-execution style.

The Masters. Master Vrook, Master Zhar, Master Dorak, Master Vandar. I hoped they were alive, they'd know what to do. I fought my way to the Council Chambers, but did not make it very far. Because who stood in front of me, none other than the Dark Lord himself.

"A powerful young Jedi, aren't you? Yes, that raw Force potential... And so much darkness. You would make a powerful Sith Lord. Yes, join me and I will show you the great power the dark side has to offer. Earn your place at my side and watch the galaxy bow down to you!"

I roared and charged the Dark Lord. Probably a big mistake, because with one swift movement he drew his saber and knocked me away. He was A LOT stronger. Sending a wave of Force energy his way just left him chuckling in his mechanical voice as he raised a wall of Force energy of his own to block it. Then it was his turn, sending a wall of Force energy that left me crumpled against a wall that was now cracked from getting slammed against it. I'm pretty sure that broke a rib or two as well. And the pain I felt, was real. Very, very real. My lightsaber was lost somewhere in the rubble of the Enclave, I couldn't summon it to me even if I could muster up the concentration to pull it to me.

"Such potential, what a waste. No matter..." He raised his saber for the killing blow, but it was a blow that never came. I put as much Force energy as I could behind one bone-crushing wave of Force energy, and it blew the Dark Lord backwards, smashing into the tree in the middle of the Enclave and leaving him a crumpled mess and without his lightsaber as well. It would now be a battle of wills. How I could beat the powerful Dark Lord of the Sith with only the Force as my ally, I knew not. But I would try. Picking up two massive slabs of the Enclave, I hurled them at Malak. He stopped both and threw them to the side, but that was not what I intended to hurt him. What followed has a withering torrent of Force Lightning that burned him in his armour and made his voice box sputter and smoke. But it was not enough, not by a long shot. Seeing something sparkle in the rubble, I closed my eyes and felt for my lightsaber. And there it was, the crystal attuned to me and linked to me in a way. I called to it and it slid reassuringly into the palm of my hand. I ignited the blade and rushed the Dark Lord. I slashed and stabbed in the style of Form VII, Juyo, very erratic and chaotic. The Dark Lord dodged and evaded my every attack and even managed to recover his lightsaber in the exchange. So we dueled. His aggressive one-handed style managed to stave off my blows but not without effort. But it wasn't long before I faltered. I was knicked in the side, his saber burning through my robes and into my left side. I felt the searing pain as if it was real.

"You would have made a powerful apprentice. And in time, an exceptional Sith Lord. But you chose to oppose me. And now, you shall be buried in your precious Enclave."

With a raise of his hand, the ground beneath me cracked and fell, sending me to the depths of the Enclave's sublevels. But he was thorough, dropping three massive chunks of the Enclave on top of me. I barely had enough time to put up a Force Barrier. So there I lay, dying in the depths of the Enclave. As the last of my life ebbed from my body, I could only remember that I was dying within a place I called home. I took comfort that though I had failed, someone else would succeed. A powerful Jedi, named Revan. He will see Malak dethroned and the Star Forge destroyed. The Order will someday be rebuilt and my home... My home would be as well. I lay in the midst of the rubble, clutching the cool, smooth cylinder of my lightsaber. I stared at the sapphire in the hilt of my lightsaber, feeling once again... at peace. My wounds finally took their toll on me...

I awoke with a searing pain in my left side, as if I had... as if I had a lightsaber wound there. I felt sore all around, especially in my ribs. I felt exhausted. My right hand felt cold, the same hand that held the cold, metallic shaft of my lightsaber only moments ago. It was probably from a lack of blood flow, but it was still odd. What was the most significant thing was that I felt... deafened. Deafened to the Force. I know I had only felt the extension of the Force for a little while, but it felt so... amazing. So completing. I was whole with it. But now I felt cut off from it, as if I had known the feeling of the Force all my life. I still miss that feeling, sensing the life around me, the pulse and flow of life, feeling it thrumming in my body and allowing me to do the impossible, like throw boulders and leap five stories in the air or move faster and hit harder than any normal human ever could. I imagine this is what it feels like to lose the ability to see, or hear, or touch. It actually feels like losing all three. I long to feel it once again, even if it is within my dreams. Is that what being omniscient feels like? I suppose I will never know. But what I felt, the feats I accomplished, the peace I felt on Dantooine, in the Enclave before it was decimated... I felt at home. With the planet. With the Enclave. With the people there. With the Force.

I know most people are gonna think I'm some geeky Star Wars fanboy weirdo after reading this. Judge if you must, but I refuse to be ashamed of a fandom I absolutely love. Even if it means I am labelled as a geek. I loved the game, I loved what I learned from the game, I love the movies, I love the books, I love the Star Wars universe. So say what you will. For a brief time, I was a Jedi. I felt the Force. I wielded a lightsaber. I duelled Dark Jedi, I destroyed starfighters, I even crossed sabers with the Dark Lord Darth Malak himself and I was so close to defeating him.

For a moment, I was strong. I had a purpose. I was important. I was different.

I.
Was.
Powerful.

Strength

Now, I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea. I'll say it now, I am by no means a very religious guy. I'm not proud of the fact that I only go to church once every month or so, I can't remember the last time I got on my knees and prayed and I can't even remember where my rosaries all went. But I just read this poem, and it honestly struck a chord in me, even the last line.

I'll be honest, my life lately has been getting harder and harder, I feel like I'm being forced to grow up a lot faster than is normal. Maybe I've been to accustomed too being a kid that when I'm suddenly forced into adulthood, I rebelled and couldn't cope at first. I don't know. But, all I know is it's been a rough few months. I won't lie, I've changed. A lot. Shaped by things happening around  and to me. Recently I've starting following accounts on Twitter that are very similar to how I have been feeling. Sad, dark, a little broken. I have a few friends on Twitter and in real life that are in a similar disposition, so I felt that sharing this poem I found in the hopes that maybe reading this might be beneficial to you as it was to me. At least in some small way.

I know a lot of you aren't into the preachy-Godly stuff, neither am I honestly. But I won't lie when I say that I do still believe in God and I know he has been guiding me in some way. I really don't think I give him enough credit sometimes. I've been a bit of a horned beast at times, especially when I was younger. I won't blame it on coming from a boy's school or the brashness and stupidity of youth. But I know there was a guiding hand that made sure I didn't get myself killed or something. So for this one post, I'm gonna get just a little religious. But for those of you that don't like that, just read the poem. It's called Strength by Connie Webb. Honestly, even for those that don't believe in God or something, well I hope that maybe just reading this helps you find the strength you couldn't before. It could be in someone, or a group of people, it could be in something you love to do, it could just be a source of strength within you that you never knew was there. But whatever it is, I hope you take away something positive, anything positive at all.

Strength

When the pain ended and the last tears fell,
And I got out of my living and bitter hell,
I found a strength as strong as steel,
This strength I found is surely real.

I found a strength to hold onto,
To help me out,
To make it through,
This strength I found deep inside,
From this strength I will not hide.

I will carry it with me night and day,
This strength sure does have a way,
Of cheering me and making me glad,
I found the strength I one time didn’t have.

So now when sadness comes about,
When my mind is filled with doubt,
On whether I can get through a troubling thing,
What is it that I will bring?

I will bring out my strength,
I will stand tall,
I will not stumble,
Will not fall,
My strength will keep my head held high,
And to weakness I say good-bye.

My strength is given to me by Someone who,
Always is here to help me through,
So to that Someone I will pray,
Help me see my strength today.

For with my strength words can’t offend,
Cruel acts will not harm me in the end,
Because with my strength even though tears may fall,
I will pull through after all.

Why is it that I will stay strong,
When someone does me so much harm,
Because with my strength from Someone above,
I make it through for I have love.

This love can never be taken away,
No matter what you do or say,
This love is deep inside my heart,
And this loves gives me strength that will never part.

You may think I am small and I am weak,
You may think I am dumb and I am meek,
You may put me down and call me names,
You may bad mouth me and play cruel games;
But with my strength I can let go,
Of all your mean stuff that you show,
My strength will be with me night and day,
Because I have Someone showing me the way.

I'm not the best Catholic in the world (Yes, a little bit of background on me), but I know someone has been looking out for me. Both tangible and intangible. God, guardian angels, or just real and true friends, they're all blessings to me. They've all been sources of strength for me, at different times in my life and in different ways. But the bottom line is, in some way they've helped me get by. To get back up when I'm pushed to the ground. To get back up, look whatever it is that hit me in the eye and say "You hit like a little bitch."

I know, big words coming from someone who had been so sad and depressed lately. But this did help, just a little.

To anyone reading this that is sad, depressed, in need of a friend or just wanting to fight their demons alone like I am, stay strong. Never give up, never back down. Different things keep people going. Faith in God, support from friends and loved ones, or sometimes just that people need you. Any way you put it, bottom line is to not give up.

"When you look at the night sky, what do you feel?"
"Hope."
"Why is that, little one?"
"Because no matter how dark and scary the night is, I know that sometime soon the sun is gonna rise again and chase the darkness away."

That's a little excerpt from a story I'm working on.

And to a friend that once told me to look to the sky when all seems lost and I told you that it didn't help, I'm sorry. It didn't help at the time, because I was in a dark place far beyond where sentiments like that could really benefit me.

But I was wrong.

It does help. I just see it a bit differently that you do, I think. But it does help, now of all times. So, thank you. I don't know if you, or anyone for the matter, read my blog any more. But if you do, I just wanted you to know.

Hey everyone

Hey ladies and gents, boys and girls of all ages! *silence*

Yeah, this place is totally dead. Anyways, if someone happens to visit this blog by some off chance that the planets aligned and pigs started flying, I'll have my next journal up by tonight. But I wanted to let you guys know that I don't think I'll be posting my third journal up. You see, I have something very personal and sensitive in mind for it and well, i don't think I'm ready to post it up yet. Just to let anyone that cares know, in case you guys wonder where my third journal went.