Strength

Now, I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea. I'll say it now, I am by no means a very religious guy. I'm not proud of the fact that I only go to church once every month or so, I can't remember the last time I got on my knees and prayed and I can't even remember where my rosaries all went. But I just read this poem, and it honestly struck a chord in me, even the last line.

I'll be honest, my life lately has been getting harder and harder, I feel like I'm being forced to grow up a lot faster than is normal. Maybe I've been to accustomed too being a kid that when I'm suddenly forced into adulthood, I rebelled and couldn't cope at first. I don't know. But, all I know is it's been a rough few months. I won't lie, I've changed. A lot. Shaped by things happening around  and to me. Recently I've starting following accounts on Twitter that are very similar to how I have been feeling. Sad, dark, a little broken. I have a few friends on Twitter and in real life that are in a similar disposition, so I felt that sharing this poem I found in the hopes that maybe reading this might be beneficial to you as it was to me. At least in some small way.

I know a lot of you aren't into the preachy-Godly stuff, neither am I honestly. But I won't lie when I say that I do still believe in God and I know he has been guiding me in some way. I really don't think I give him enough credit sometimes. I've been a bit of a horned beast at times, especially when I was younger. I won't blame it on coming from a boy's school or the brashness and stupidity of youth. But I know there was a guiding hand that made sure I didn't get myself killed or something. So for this one post, I'm gonna get just a little religious. But for those of you that don't like that, just read the poem. It's called Strength by Connie Webb. Honestly, even for those that don't believe in God or something, well I hope that maybe just reading this helps you find the strength you couldn't before. It could be in someone, or a group of people, it could be in something you love to do, it could just be a source of strength within you that you never knew was there. But whatever it is, I hope you take away something positive, anything positive at all.

Strength

When the pain ended and the last tears fell,
And I got out of my living and bitter hell,
I found a strength as strong as steel,
This strength I found is surely real.

I found a strength to hold onto,
To help me out,
To make it through,
This strength I found deep inside,
From this strength I will not hide.

I will carry it with me night and day,
This strength sure does have a way,
Of cheering me and making me glad,
I found the strength I one time didn’t have.

So now when sadness comes about,
When my mind is filled with doubt,
On whether I can get through a troubling thing,
What is it that I will bring?

I will bring out my strength,
I will stand tall,
I will not stumble,
Will not fall,
My strength will keep my head held high,
And to weakness I say good-bye.

My strength is given to me by Someone who,
Always is here to help me through,
So to that Someone I will pray,
Help me see my strength today.

For with my strength words can’t offend,
Cruel acts will not harm me in the end,
Because with my strength even though tears may fall,
I will pull through after all.

Why is it that I will stay strong,
When someone does me so much harm,
Because with my strength from Someone above,
I make it through for I have love.

This love can never be taken away,
No matter what you do or say,
This love is deep inside my heart,
And this loves gives me strength that will never part.

You may think I am small and I am weak,
You may think I am dumb and I am meek,
You may put me down and call me names,
You may bad mouth me and play cruel games;
But with my strength I can let go,
Of all your mean stuff that you show,
My strength will be with me night and day,
Because I have Someone showing me the way.

I'm not the best Catholic in the world (Yes, a little bit of background on me), but I know someone has been looking out for me. Both tangible and intangible. God, guardian angels, or just real and true friends, they're all blessings to me. They've all been sources of strength for me, at different times in my life and in different ways. But the bottom line is, in some way they've helped me get by. To get back up when I'm pushed to the ground. To get back up, look whatever it is that hit me in the eye and say "You hit like a little bitch."

I know, big words coming from someone who had been so sad and depressed lately. But this did help, just a little.

To anyone reading this that is sad, depressed, in need of a friend or just wanting to fight their demons alone like I am, stay strong. Never give up, never back down. Different things keep people going. Faith in God, support from friends and loved ones, or sometimes just that people need you. Any way you put it, bottom line is to not give up.

"When you look at the night sky, what do you feel?"
"Hope."
"Why is that, little one?"
"Because no matter how dark and scary the night is, I know that sometime soon the sun is gonna rise again and chase the darkness away."

That's a little excerpt from a story I'm working on.

And to a friend that once told me to look to the sky when all seems lost and I told you that it didn't help, I'm sorry. It didn't help at the time, because I was in a dark place far beyond where sentiments like that could really benefit me.

But I was wrong.

It does help. I just see it a bit differently that you do, I think. But it does help, now of all times. So, thank you. I don't know if you, or anyone for the matter, read my blog any more. But if you do, I just wanted you to know.